Blog Posts - Silke Vogelmann-Sine, Ph.D., Inc.

Denial often prevents self-improvement

7/11/2015

Denial often prevents self-improvement

Denial is very powerful and can take many forms. It is present when you are not in touch with the truth about your actions or thoughts. You may feel: I don't have a drinking problem and can stop any time but others close to you know that it has not worked in the past.

You may think that you are entitled to blow up and get mad because the other person was uncooperative or lazy and did not do what you expected him or her to do. As long as you have some denial (which is often unconscious) change is difficult, if not impossible. When you begin to face the reality or truth about yourself, healing and change can occur.

Melanie was in denial about gaining weight. She kept complaining about the fact that the dry cleaner shrank some of her clothes and they no longer fit her. When her boyfriend gently told her it's not the dry cleaner but her weight gain, she was shocked to discover the truth. She had gained seven pounds. Once she could see the truth, she could start on a weight management program.

As psychologists, we assist people in facing the truth and initiating change.

Thank You.

IMPROVING THEIR MARRIAGE

6/22/2015

Malia and Richard learned that they triggered each other and that there were underlying and unresolved issues from the past that caused them to fight. They learned to take a time-outs as soon as anger surfaced and discuss issues later when they were calm. Time-outs were difficult at first because they had to learn that continuing to fight was not productive and would harm their relationship. Stopping the fights on the other hand would create respect and peace.

Richard learned that it was important to listen and discuss difficult issues and find mutually acceptable solutions. Malia learned to speak respectfully and share issues and problems that she needed to address. As psychologists we teach you to learn the skills to create more successful relationships with others.

Thank You.

Understanding your inner child

6/5/2015

Malia was recently married to Richard. They cared a lot for each other and thus it was surprising that they had some difficulties. When Malia wanted to discuss issues that bothered her, such as finances or chores, Richard shut down and they were not able to resolve problems. Malia got very angry and accused Richard of being selfish and uncaring. Richard triggered her anger because he reminded her of her mother. Her mother ignored many of her needs when she grew up and was emotionally unavailable. Richard got triggered because he felt criticized by his dad growing up and learned to shut down.

Understanding such reactions will help you be more patient with each other and address issues in a more adult manner. As psychologists we assist people in better understanding triggering circumstances.

Thank You.

The PAINFUL AND TRAUMATIC EVENTS FROM THE PAST

5/13/2015

Did you know that the inner child often holds on to painful and traumatic events from the past?

When a child has not been able to trust that the adults were capable of properly protecting her or him, these feelings are generally hidden inside the person. You may have these feelings but not be aware of them on a daily basis. However, they can be triggered in the present if you encounter someone you feel is unsafe or untrustworthy. Suddenly, you may have very strong feelings that are surprising and seem to come out of "nowhere".
These feelings are a signal that they have a connection to the past. As psychologists we can assist you in resolving these issues so that you can trust more easily and discern who are safe and unsafe people. Your inner child cares about you and warns you to create greater safety in life.

Thank You.

Guiding The Inner Child

4/21/2015

Guiding the inner child

Inner children can act impulsively and seem to have their own mind. You may feel upset with someone and the child self acts in an angry and insulting manner. The feelings of the inner child seem to get triggered and just come out. It's better to talk to that child self and acknowledge his or her feelings and validate that the feelings are warranted and that you were not treated with respect. Then you indicate that it's not appropriate to just act out these feelings but that you will decide together how to handle the situation more appropriately in an adult manner. You will discuss different options and choices. Acknowledging and validating the feelings and perceptions of the inner child will be very important in managing situations in life.

Learning to listen to the inner child

4/10/2015

When your inner child wants to communicate with you, you may not want to listen because you may feel "negative" feelings. Maybe your inner child wants to give you messages you don' t want to hear. It is often easier to pretend that these feelings don't exist than to listen and understand them. A good plan is to begin to "listen in" and better understand what is being felt. Negative feelings can be a gift to you because they help you grow and change.

Thank You.

Becoming Your own Bestfriend

3/30/2015

When you have experienced difficult situations growing up, you may have a sense of loneliness inside. Often this is a hidden feeling. Since it is tied to childhood experiences, we may call this part the "lonely inner child". There are many self-help books describing this situation such as "Healing the Child Within" by Whitfield. The most important plan of action is to commit yourself to become a parent to this inner child and respect and care for him or her. Becoming best friends will become a rewarding healing journey.

Thank You.

Deciding who you want to be

3/17/2015

Aloha from Dr. Silke

Deciding who you want to be

When you are an adult you can better understand how you grew up and whether you want to change. You have the option to improve yourself and learn skills that will help you to be the person you want to be. Communication skills are especially important because they enable you to have caring and loving relationships with others. It may help to examine the positive attributes you received growing up as well as the limitations. You will feel empowered when you take charge of getting on a path of self-improvement.

Thank You.

How does the past affect you?

3/6/2015

How does the past affect you?

The past affects everyone even though we may not be fully aware of it. You may have grown up with adults that were angry, abused drugs and/or alcohol, criticized you, or were very strict and implied that they could not trust you to do the right thing. As a result, you may have rebelled or felt that there was something wrong with you. Even though these are childhood experiences they can be overcome. Mental health professionals are trained to assist you in addressing such hurts from the past and help you feel more confident and accept yourself more.

I will let you know in future posts how painful childhood experiences can be healed.

Thank You.

Important Goals

2/20/2015

Do you reach important goals?

It can be frustrating when you feel that you are not reaching certain goals that are important to you. When you feel stuck, it may be helpful to step back and get a new perspective about the issue. Are you committed to do what it takes to achieve your goal? Do you have the skills to accomplish your goal? Do you have enough persistence and patience to keep trying? Do you need advice and assistance to be successful? Is your goal realistic and achievable?

Getting clearer how you can be more successful in achieving your goals is a learning process and takes time and effort.

I invite you to share your experiences with achieving your goals.

Thank You.

Office Address

Silke Vogelmann-Sine, PhD, Inc.

Century Square
1188 Bishop Street, Suite 2705
Honolulu, HI 96813

The office is conveniently located at the corner of Beretania and Bishop Streets in downtown Honolulu. Validated parking is available in the basement of Century Square. The office is located on the bus line.

Ph: 808.531.1232
Fax: 808.523.9375
silke@silke.com

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